Onion 2056, Mr Waxman, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Some great stuff on the web this week.

The Onion gives us an issue from the future.

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Mr Waxman takes the country by storm (bid on him).

His birth was as follows: feeling that my ears could use a bit of maintenance, and, lacking a Q-Tip or anything sufficently swablike, I DIY’d myself a bit of twisted tissue and plunged it into my ear canal. After some satisfying rooting around, I withdrew it and (of course) looked at it.

Normally, I look at things I pull out of my ear for satisfyingly large amounts of earwax, which I then use as kindling to stoke my already out-of-control ego. This time, I was met with a small, cheerful face looking back at me.

Here’s my tribute to the Waxman.


It’s only fair for schools to give the Flying Spaghetti Monster equal time.

But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.