RIP Crab Open Mic

If you haven’t heard the bad news, Justin Taylo informed us last week that the Carribean Crab open mic is closing up for good. I tried to condense his email, but it’s too entertaining to edit.

It truly is a sad day today. After eight months of sweat and loyalty, the Crab has decided to discontinue my services. I’ve worked hard there, as many of us have in these past months. I’ve introduced many people to their bar and helped grace their stage with a shitload of talented people who would never set foot in a place of its standards.

Am i sore, you ask? Damn right, i am!

There have been rumors that the bar is closing down. This excuse would sit well with me. But that’s not the reason. The reason they gave was that they were tired of having problems with vandalism, theft, etc.

Last week was the last straw, when someone puked on the floor, stole some pictures off the wall and fucked with the phone in the front, at the the hostess station. Each one of these problems have been brought to my attention by the owner. As if i have any way of keeping you fuckin knuckleheads from being stupid. Who am I?

The bar should NOT be bothering me with this bullshit. Get someone to do their job. Be out front to survey the area, instead of in the back,
hiding out. I have mixed feelings about the theft/vandalism, of course. But it’s 50/50. Yeah, unfortunately God made angry people who, rather than communicating their emotions with words, need to prove themselves by violently thrashing inanimate objects.

Are you mad that you and your friends didn’t get to play early enough? Is the beer too expensive? Does the sight of pictures on a wall enrage you? Well, tell ME about it. Convey your aggravation to someone. Being destructive in reality isn’t as cool as it is in the movies… so grow up, please.

Now, the bar and its staff should be expectant of such occurences. After all, when alcohol and frat-guy mentality meet, shit will happen. Be prepared. And don’t be surprised when shit appens. Otherwise, sell your bar and go run an antique store.

For a mere $60 a week, I lugged my stuff up there every week and ran what i feel was always a success. I sent these incorrigible emails, like, twice a week. I even made a webpage, with compiled pictures and everything! The word of mouth was loving, the buzz was awesome. People wanted to get involved. Non-musicians (we musicians call you Muggles) were regulars just as much as musicians were.

Most of us started out as strangers, but now we’re friends who hang out and go to each others’ parties. It’s an awesome thing. I am proud of my open mic.

I’d like to thank some people now, before the music starts playing…

Obviously the open mic would be nowhere without Spam, who pulled some of the strings from behind the curtain, and was a very good bartender. He negotiated the whole thing and was always ‘on’ every week.

Jaclyn, of course, did a lot. Not only did she come every week, despite being a teacher and having to work early every morning, she also carted my ass up there most of the time. Especially when i was without a license. She scoured dollar stores with me, in search of raffle prizes each week, as well as dished out raffle tickets and hosted the raffle.

Keith Randall, who never truly got to play the set he deserved, was extremely influential to the open mic every week. He never said ‘no’ when i needed him to help me with something. In fact, he usually
discovered the problem and had it fixed before i even noticed! He showed up first almost every week and left last, most weeks not getting to play. He supported every musician who got onstage and made
it known. He even worked the board for people like Brooke and Mirror Theory, when it was too hairy for me figure out.

Thank you to all of you who came out to play and entertain us every week: Brooke, Ben Garvey, Sapp, Paul Vrooman, Keith, Mirror Theory, etc (you
know who you are, bitches).

And thanks to all the regulars who supported everyone (too many to name!).

Although Thursday morning at UPS will be a lot easier, Wednesday night will be a lot harder now.

But it’s okay. We’re looking for somewhere else to plant our Open Mic seed. If you have any ideas, please let me know. I don’t want to lose touch with you guys (well, some of you i might), so reply to this, or drop me a line sometime! My company is available for weddings, birthdays and Bar MItzvahs.

And as far as the Crab, my feelings can be summed up with something Jaclyn said last night:
“I’d be happy if i never set foot in that bar again.”


So the open mic I went to there the Wednesday before Christmas turned out to be the last one. It’s s shame because it was a lot of fun and the Crab’s open mic was one of only open mic that served alcohol on this side of the river. My last performance consisted of the following songs: 99%, I Hope I Die on the Moon, Why Now Satan, All My Dreams are in Cartoon, and Johnny Cash’s Big River.

I also got to hear the temporarily reunited nowayscoob, made up of Justin and the Montana lovin, airforce employed Kopie. They sounded great.