JH: Hello. I just downloaded some illegal MP3s and my friend told me that the RAII is going to sue everyone who downloads music. What should I do?
RIAA: The best advice I can offer you at this moment is to go to dub-dub-dub-musicunited.org and you can learn there how to uninstall your peer-to-peer software or file-sharing service.
JH: But I don’t have a pee service. Someone just e-mailed me a song and I listened to it. Am I going to jail?
RIAA: Sir, I don’t know. I’m not in a position to offer you legal advice on this.
JH: Legal advice? Do I need to get a lawyer?
RIAA: You might want to. As I said, your best possible route is to go to musicunited.org. Beyond that, I’m not in a position to offer you additional legal advice.
JH: Can I write a check to someone?
RIAA: Has your service provider told you that you’ve been subpoenaed?
JH: A penis?
RIAA: [Long pause] What?
Read the rest of the crank call.